Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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