I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
