Where is the hickey?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
