i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
