I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
