I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
