I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
