Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
