He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And then my night got REAL pukey
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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