I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
