WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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