WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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