Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
