and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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