I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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