He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
