just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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