I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
