new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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