If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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