I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
