My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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