I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
