u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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