K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
