So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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