So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
