I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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