Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
