I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
