I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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