My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
