I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
