Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
