All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
