There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
