Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
