You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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