Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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