Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
