I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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