so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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