The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
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