He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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