You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
