Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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