Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
