the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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