I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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