1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
