all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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